Take a Breath
by captainme
Summary: Summery: Jack remembers his past, how his life came to be what it is and wonders if things had been different, would his life have been just as amazing? In both good and bad ways… JackAna please R
1. Chapter 1

Summery: - Jack remembers his past, how his life came to be what it is and wonders if things had been different, would his life have been just as amazing? In both good and bad ways… JackAna please R&R

**Take a breath. **

Take a breath, then walk away. What my mother had told me when I was boy, a child, and getting into fights with other children, ones who I didn't believe to be normal. It was me who wasn't normal. Compared to them, I had different dreams, different thoughts. I grew up in the same kind of families as them, posh ones, ones that had maids and butlers running around everywhere. But it was also different in a way that no one could ever understand. My parents, especially my mother, wanted us me and my little brother Ben or Benjamin as he was known in public, to have our own thoughts, our own dreams not ones planted there by what they thought we should be thinking about, and dreaming about. She wanted us to make our own lives, the way we wanted to. But that doesn't mean to say they weren't like every other mother and farther in the families I knew of. They still made me go to lessons, from 3 years old on wards, taught manners, respect and all that I needed to know. But other then that they were completely different, which lead to what happened that day when I was 5 and my little brother was 2.

My father was a captain of a ship; I couldn't remember the name off. 16 months before the day that changed everyone in the family's lives, and other view on things, had hired a dark skinned maid, whom he knew to be pregnant. They had struck a deal; he couldn't bear to see her die on a wrecked pirate ship where she had been held captive for the past 5 months, working as a slave. She was to go live with him and his family and work for them as a maid. When she had her child, she would look after it while carrying on working, should it be a girl, she would grow up to be another maid in their household, should it be a boy he would be a butler. Either way the child was to work in his household, without being paid, as the mother was. Food and accommodation would be free but would really have to be worked for. The women had seen this as a ticket as her child having a certain future and took the proposition. She was happy her child was going to be safe, and my farther was happy, as it meant his concisions would be cleared.

8 months later Louisa, the maid, gave birth to a baby girl. This happened just my mother was given the news she would never have another child. And she wanted another child, so much. My father, as much as he wanted a daughter himself, he was quite contempt with having two sons only. He hoped my mother would accept that they were never to have any more children, and get on with life, but instead she started to take away the responsibility of working and looking after a new born baby from Louisa by looking after the baby girl while her mother was working. The only problem with this is that my mother began to love this child as her own.

When the baby was 9 months old, her mother fell down the stairs breaking her neck, and instantly dieing, leaving a nine-month-old Ana Maria seemingly alone in the world. Only with her mother's death, came new light to my mother's world. She decided that Ana Maria should be brought up as a child, a member of sicity other then to be a maid, she had decided that she was to be brought up as a Sparrow. My Father was against the idea a first, he could see himself losing his job, and everyone turning against them for bringing up a dark skinned child. But he had been wrong. People warmed to the idea of a child of a different colors being brought up as one of them. For the time being, they could see no harm in it at all. The first problem came though, when she couldn't be proclaimed an official member of our family. Without the father's permission, assuming he was still alive, she was not aloud to be adopted for 8 years. But this didn't put them off. They believed he would not be coming for her, as he didn't know where she was, they didn't even know if he knew she existed. Ana Maria was a sparrow, just not officially.

My mother thrived on having a daughter. She bonded with her far more then she had with either Ben or me. The remarkable thing was that she let her play with us from the moment she could walk. I remember the games we used to play…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Arrrr!!! I am the bad man and is taking this lady away with me! And you can't stop me!!! Arrrrrrrrrr." Giggling Ana Maria was lifted into the arms of Ben. Well semi-lifted for he couldn't actually hold her.

"No your not! I am here to rescue the… the… erm…" Jack turned towards his mother who was watching her children play contempt with their wooden swords. "Mama what's the word for a lad that's been captured?" Smiling his mother replied to him.

"She's a damsel in distress Jack." Nodding, Jack turned back to his younger siblings.

"I am here to rescue this damsel in distress. Hand her over or I will have to fight you with my sword!!"

"You will never get her! I'm taking her away with me!"

"No your not. If you wont hand her over, then we will have to fight for her- with our swords!"

"Ok then. But I will win because I am the pirate and the bad man! Bad men win!"

"No they don't! Good guys win! Haha! I got you with my sword!" Ben looked at his brother blankly. "Your supposed to drop down on the floor and die now silly" whispered Jack to him. Ben's mouth went into an 'O' shape as he dropped to the floor and played dead. Jack walked over to Ana Maria and picked her up, a lot more successfully then his brother. "Don't worry lady, your safe now! I'm the good guy and I won!" Giggling Ana put her arms round her brother and hugged him to say thank you as she hadn't yet mastered the ways of talking.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After that our family went from strength to strength. My farther got promoted, Ana Maria turned into a 'proper' girl, and began the grilling task of learning table manners and being polite, yet she still loved to play with her brothers and acting more like a boy, as well as playing with dolls and with our mother. From most peoples views she had the best she could possibly have, although until she was 8 and a half our parents lived in fear that sh may be taken from them, although to them it would never have come true.

On her eighth birthday, she wore the most expensive and beatuitful dress she had ever been given. Almost all through the day she had a constant smile on her face, until it was time to go to bed. But she didn't sleep past 9 o'clock as a man came and took her away from everything she knew.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Look we will give you anything? Do you want money we can give you money…" My mother sat in tears, as my father desperately tried to pay the man off.

"Look mate. I want me daughter and I'm not goin' t' leave without 'er. I've been lookin' for her ever since the navy destroyed me ship and took my women with ye. Until a couple of months ago I didn't know where she was, then I 'eard of your story, and everything fell into place. Now I want 'er to come with me. Do we understand each other Mr Sparrow?" My father didn't bother correcting the man on his name, as he looked grimly at my mother.

"Go fetch Ana please." Me and my brother could only sit and watch as my mother handed over a sleepy eyed Ana Maria to the man who called himself her Father. As he went to lever the room, she suddenly realized what was happening and began to kick and scream at him, tears ran down her face as she looked at us, asking us why we were letting him take her away. That look haunted us, but my mother and farther at its worst. My mother found it hard to carry on, and my farther vowed to get her back where she belonged, even challenging the man that said she couldn't be adopted until eight years had past why it wasn't seven years. Then he would still have the girl he believed as his daughter.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was 9 years later when I walked into a tavern in Tortuga. My whole family had gone off the rails in those 9 years, my Farther for starters had left the Navy and run away with another women, my Mother couldn't live without her daughter and had an 'accident' and had 'fallen' off the top floor balcony to instant death, and me and my brother, we had become those 'bad guys' we used to play when we were little. When I was 18 and he was 16 we went our separate ways, and now at 23, walking into the tavern I nearly got the shock of my life as a women walked up to me asking my name, then pro claiming that she was Ana-Maria…

To be continued…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N please review… I know it's strange and not my usual style but… please review if anyone wants the second half. It will probably be just as strange. :-) Anyway hope you liked. Suzy x


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the movie… on with the story!

…At 23, walking into the tavern I nearly got the shock of my life as a women walked up to me asking my name, then pro claiming that she was Ana-Maria…

And I just stood there staring at her. My breath had caught in my throat and I was unable to talk, so I stared. She had obviously picked up on this, as she suggested that we take a seat at a table and have a drink, talk about things. Still unable to find my voice I nodded and headed over to a table in the far side of the bar, in the corner, as she went to order the drinks without even asking what drink I wanted. In my mind as I waited, thoughts of how the past 9 years could have been different if she hadn't been taken away. I wondered if my family would still be together and, squirming as I thought about it, if I would be in the navy instead of being a pirate.

Lost in thought, I hadn't noticed my long lost sister, sit down in front of me, placing a mug of rum on the table and watch me. I wasn't sure how long I'd been silent not noticing her, as the time seemed to have stopped for me, I was away in a land so far away it could have been reality, it was the reality that should have been. Only it wasn't. As I came to this thought, it brought me back to the present and I noticed Ana Maria staring at me this time.

"Wha'?" Ana frowned.

"What were you thinking about Jack?" Jack sighed.

"What should have been 'ats all." The pair of us stayed silent for a couple of minuets before she spoke again.

"I heard you know. I went back and no one was there. The guy, my father, he was hung; they spared me because I was a women and they didn't believe I could ever make it as a pirate. They thought I would become a wench, or maid at someone's house. But they were wrong. Back to what I was saying before I went off on my life story, what happened? Why were there strangers living in your home? And where's your father? I visited our- your mothers grave you know, laid flowers and that, gave respect, but I never understood. How did everything so perfect go wrong?" Seeming to have finished her babble that held so many different stories that needed to be gone into more deeply, Ana just looked at me, with the same look she'd held when she really was my sister and not this stranger to me. The one where she looked expecting me to know the answers to the world, and that no one else could give her them but me.

"Where do you want me to start? When you left everything went wrong. It didn't take more then a day for the cracks to show in **our** mother. She killed herself less the two years later. It was weeks after **our** father ran away with another women. His career had gone down hill, with his wife and children acting unruly, you can hardly blame him for walking away, but I did. I was 15 when my parents walked away, almost 16, another few weeks I would have been, but that's not the point. Ben he was hardly 13, when we had to leave, heading for here. I lead him from the games we'd played when we could be children, to making it reality. Most people would blame me for that fact but we came looking for the sister we'd lost, the sister we believed could make it right for us. We spent a few years searching for you, then we heard of your father being hanged and thought you'd gone with him. It was like the reason for us to stay together as brothers had gone and yes we went our separate ways. I became first mate on a ship and when the captain died the ship became mine. You might have heard of it **_The Black Pearl_**?" Ana's head was down; she was staring at the table. Part of me felt horrible for being so brutally honest with her about how everything had gone wrong. In my mind it sounded as though I was blaming her, which I hadn't intended to do. I didn't blame her. I blamed her father. I noticed tears falling down onto her cheeks and that's when I hit me, where we were wasn't the place to swap stories of the past 9 years. In fact it couldn't be much more wrong.

She had been trying so hard not to let her emotions show. It hadn't been the place for people, other pirates to see her being 'soft'. She had to work harder then most to gain respect, and she did it well. If anyone saw her crying over something they themselves had no idea what it was, they would talk and her reputation would be ruined in a heartbeat.

"Come to my ship. We can talk…" I paused searching for the right way to put the next few words. "More at ease." She nodded, wiping her eyes and making sure she look 'presentable' enough so that it wouldn't be recognized that she had been tearing.

The walk to my ship was a walk I was never ever going to forget. Some may find it strange for me to remember and cherish the memory of a walk that was practically all in silence- comfortable silence. But the fact that I was back with my childhood sister, felt so strange. There were different feelings in the pit of my stomach. I presumed they had always been there when I was around her, as I couldn't remember that far back, but thinking back on it now, I can see what I felt was just brotherly love, it was another kind of love… but that was for later on.

First, we got back to my ship, one that had been mine for just 3 months. Walking into my cabin, I felt an immense feeling of joy and pride, as she looked around, obviously impressed for how well I had done for myself considering the past. That was something else I mistook for brotherly feelings. It was only as dawn approached the next morning, watching her sleeping peacefully on my bed, after hours upon hours of talking that I realized what I felt wasn't what I should be feeling, not in the world of logic anyway. Watching her sleep, I let the feelings wash over me.

I told her the as soon as she woke. That I loved her more then a brother should. I wasn't sure why, but I had the desired effects as she proclaimed she felt the same. She had done since she found me. We carried on for many months like it. But then the conscience that I thought I had given away or lost in the first few months f becoming a pirate hit back. They told me things I didn't want to know.

I began hearing voices telling me my mother would be looking down on us in shame. Wondering how I could be treating the girl I grew up knowing as my sister, like this. It wasn't the right thing for me to feel these emotions and I had to walk away from it.

And when I found my brother stabbed and almost dead one night. I realized I couldn't tell him, what had become of his older brother and little sister. How was I supposed to tell a dying man thing's that couldn't be imagined? His last wish was to see his sister, and his face lit up, through the blood and the bruising when I told him she was safe and well on my ship. No time to explain. No time. As he laid there in the cabin both me and Ana Maria shared, with all three of us together the voices finally convinced me that what I had been living was a lie. A lie that I couldn't continue no matter how much I wanted to. So as he died in my bed, my sister, as that was what she was then, weeping over his dead body I had to break her heart again.

As we stood on the docks as few weeks later. I told her. Her tears almost killed me. I almost stood up to that person that was in my head, and told her I was sorry and that I didn't mean a thing what I said. But I didn't I took a breath and walked away, as if walking away from a fight that I couldn't be bothered to do. The truth was. I was a coward. I was a coward to love. There were no voices they're telling me what to do. Nothing but myself, convincing what I had was to good to be true and had to be got rid of straight away.

A few months later, my own crew left me on an island for dead. Although I managed to get off, I faced a bigger ordeal. I found my, now long lost sister, and lover in Tortuga. And I made a bigger fool of myself in her eyes. I stole her boat, and managed to sink it…

The tale of my adventure with William and Elizabeth are well known so I wont go into that story. That's saved for another time. This has turned into what happened at the end of the tale. The part everyone, no matter how they spruce it up, or die it down, always miss off.

Ana Maria had brought back my ship to me… but she wanted even. And not just with the ship I took from her…

To Be Continued (again)… 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N **ok, so I couldn't fit it into two parts so it's going into three parts. And hopefully this will finish it!!! Thanks for the reviews. Please review this chapter too… :-) Suzy xxx


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the movie.

…Ana Maria had brought back my ship to me… but she wanted even. And not just with the ship I took from her…

I have to admit, being back on my beloved ship, with a crew I could trust, meant the world to me. And even more because of who had handed to me this second chance. She didn't have to, I'll never understand why she did, all I know is that she didn't leave me to die like she should have after all I'd done, but she gave me my ship and demanded I repay her with a new ship of her own.

I did of course; I couldn't not buy her a ship. I promised her one and she got one. I managed to delay it for as long as possible though. All my crew could see how much tension there was between us. She never acknowledges me unless it was for orders, to answer a command or to demand I get her a ship. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she'd walk away or stay silent. I couldn't threaten her, because we both new they would be empty threats. All in all the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow, the man that could woo any women, was a lost cause on the one woman I wanted to woo.

Now by saying I bought her a new ship, doesn't automatically mean she took it and left. She did. But that's not the point. The last night she was to have on the **_Black pearl_** she knocked on my cabin door. She was finally ready to talk to me properly after 10 years. This delighted me. Then I made big mistake number 2…

"Ana…" I could hardly say anything when I saw her standing in my doorway. I had no idea why she wanted to talk, not now. But maybe coming to talk when she knew she would be leaving me for good the next day was a better idea then talking to me when she had weeks left on a ship with me. I don't know. I'll never understand the mind of that woman.

"Jack… 10 years ago… I don't understand I want to understand. You never gave me a reason. You gave me enough money to last me until I found a job, but no reason why you did what you did. I just… how could something so perfect go so wrong? I just… let me understand." She'd babbled on longer then she probably meant to, not being able to get the words out, that she had most probably practiced before coming to see me. She wanted an explanation. I'd stayed silent for a while, and then decided as she was leaving anyway I might as well tell her.

"Cant you see? What we were doing was wrong. I mean you're my baby sister! We shouldn't have been… it isn't right. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you." Ana Maria stayed silent for a few minuets, and then she did something I hadn't seen her do in a very, very long time. She exploded into a fit of rage.

"That's completely and utterly untrue all of it is! And you know it! I'm not your sister Jack Sparrow. I never have been and never will be, unless of course I married your brother or your parents adopted me. Both of which are completely and utterly undoable. I may have felt like your sister at one point but that was a long time ago, way back before my father arrived on the scene. He too is dead so that wouldn't stop us. There is nothing to stop us but you and you being a coward… nobody knew we were even almost related at one time. Ill tell you why we can't ever be together. It's because you're afraid of happiness. You haven't had it in such a long time, so whenever it approaches you run away from it." Ana paused for breath and when she began again she had a much softer tone of voice. "I tell you why you shouldn't have fallen in love with me. It's not because of our past, and it's not because you're a pirate. It's because you can't handle love. You can't handle being responsible for another person, caring about them, putting their lives before your own. Jack you can't handle the feelings it brings. And that is why I'm leaving."

I watched her turn and leave my cabin. I had nothing to say and yet I had everything to say to her. I needed to tell her what she said made sense. That I was a coward. That some nights I wish I'd never met her once again in that bar, because then I wouldn't have all of the feelings she brought out, mixed up in the pit of my stomach. Then I would be able to enjoy life without having to wonder why she made me feel like she did. But I also had to tell her that I knew she would never be my sister, she would always be something more to me then that. I needed her to know how much I loved her, how much I needed her, and how much I no longer wanted to run away from that fact. But by the time I realized all this it was too late…

She'd left, set sail hours earlier, gone a different way to the course I had set. I figured she meant to do that. Get as far a way from me as possible so that she would never have to see me again. I can't say I blame her, after the way I treated her and acted towards hers.

I spent a long time searching for her. I was desperate to tell her how much I loved her. Then I got news one day that she had been killed, gone down with her ship in a storm like the captain should do. I felt like my life ended right there. I showed no emotion, got drunk just to get rid of the pain. Didn't work very well, but it was better then when I was sober. The infamous captain went down the pan so to speak. Then it happened.

I had been captured by Commodore Norrington. No matter how hard they tried Will and Elizabeth Tuner could not get me free. And I didn't want to be free. Not until I saw a smiling face comes to rescue me once again. She caused a commotion that day. She'd stuffed her dress so it looked like she was pregnant. Then as they were about to kill me, she pretended to go into labor. She made such a deal out of it that my crew managed to get me away and free before they even noticed. Then she came to me.

As I write this, I'm about to set sail on a new adventure. One completely different to anything I've ever done or dreamed about. I was wounded and physically unable to sail not long ago, so now I'm living on land, in a big fancy house… married and about to start a family…

And you should no by now who with.

A/N weird ending. I hadn't intended it to be like that. It just wrote itself! Please review. Suzy


End file.
